It’s OK to be Single

A common affliction of many women in our modern result-oriented, thrill-seeking society is the idea that a woman needs a man in order to be a complete person and gain the respect of others.

Many women today can’t fully accept the idea of being “single and OK,” and find contentment as an independent entity.  This dissonance leads many into the realm of desperation.

Desperation is a disease that is so overwhelmingly strong, its presence emanates from every pore of a person’s being.  Attempts to hide or relieve the symptoms temporarily are fleeting, at best.  Desperation leads people to:

  • Tolerate terrible behavior, often with disastrous consequences.
  • Settle for less and then regret it when they realize that settling doesn’t always lead to satisfaction. (And often leads to things like infidelity, nagging, etc.)
  • Become so incredibly annoying as to turn off a perfectly fine prospect. For long-term commitment, personality and character does
  • Take actions which result in short-term gains but long-term losses. (She sleeps with him easily in order to keep his attention, but he eventually loses interest when he finds Ms. Hotter New Booty)
  • Erode any sense of earned loyalty or respect when the fantasy that’s been built up around the other falls short.  (This commonly occurs when a person falls in love too fast, and is disappointed by the real person in front of them)
  • Become crazy after a break-up. They stalk, or try to sabotage their ex’s life.  Or they go into a spiral of despair; they may turn promiscuous trying to quickly recreate the good feelings they had with their ex, that they have now lost.

Just as many men are choosing to go their own way and find fulfillment outside of love, sex and relationships, women should also realize it’s OK to go your own way.

It’s OK to focus your energies on some other noble goal, if you feel that the pursuit of a relationship is doing you more harm than good.

It’s OK to be the only single girl when all of your friends have boyfriends and husbands.

It’s OK to go to social events alone, and be the 3rd/5th/21st wheel (I have done it pretty much my whole life, you can too – and you may just be surprised by what happens :-) ).

Women can create a fulfilling life without a man, by pursuing passions in other areas of their lives.  Some pursuits are simply more difficult to do when in a relationship or with a family.

  • Have you dreamed of spending a year in Spain learning to dance flamenco, cook paella and sip sangria?
  • Have you ever thought it would be interesting to get a PhD in a subject you’ve always had an interest in?  And maybe even teach others on that subject, and make a difference in the lives of young people?
  • Have you ever felt like you love children and love sees no color?  And you would be more than happy to give that love freely to children lacking in love?

The Hard Part

Loneliness is perhaps the most difficult part.  It’s important to maintain strong social network, whether through family or supportive friends.

Haters will try to bring a single girl down.  A girl needs to learn to give her attention mainly to those who are worthy of it (“good people”):

  • Good people don’t laugh or chide a woman who for whatever reason, isn’t married by age 30.
  • Good people will not act like it’s easy to find someone, and only a total loser girl can’t. Nowadays many men are able to get sex better, faster and cheaper, and many women are simply not going to find anyone.
  • Good people will not judge a girl by her “success” as married or in a relationship, but instead will focus on what she create, says and does in all aspects of her life.

Women of the world, always remember:

You are an individual with a mind and hands that enable you to do all sorts of amazing things.  If you decide to give up your individual self to become part of a team unit, it should primarily be because it enhances your life and makes you extra happy.

Not because you get to show off Mr. Rich & Handsome to all your friends, have a fabulous$ wedding that is featured in the Times, or make designer babies everyone coos over.

Caution: If you decide to go your own way, or simply accept the single life for a while (when everyone else says to hurry up while you are still young), proceed with caution.  At times your biological urges to make babies or be desire a partner to share life with will kick in.  You must train your mind to remember why you chose the path you did and why it’s OK.  Journaling, charting out a life plan, or simply writing out your goals can help.  Go back to these items any time you feel pissy: “It’s so hard to meet someone when you’re doing volunteer work in rural Cambodia, I wish I never came here” or “If only I hadn’t gone to graduate school, guys wouldn’t be intimated by me and would ask me out more.”  Always remember you made the choice you did for a reason that made sense when you made it.  Complaining will only bring you down and make you less attractive (stress wrinkles, lack of inner beauty, etc.), should you decide you want to get back in the game again and meet someone.

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