Why do smart, successful women tolerate abuse?

"Good or bad, most women allow relationships to define them. A lot of women are scared of being alone. Some even get their sense of worth from being in a relationship and being viewed by society as so-and-so's partner/wife/girlfriend. Outwardly, women may appear to be confident and smart, but inside, they only get their confidence and sense of value from being in a relationship. That's why they find it hard to let go of a relationship even if it's abusive." — Gopika Kapoor, author

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  • Maryann Nwanneka Egwuonwu
    Many women tolerate abuse from men simply because of the society they have found themselves in. Until the society changes its mindset towards women and stop defining women by their achievements in marriage, unfortunately it will continue.
  • Irene Lyimo


    I think the key is to know how is responsible in defining your relationship.

    I will see it is a problem to allow others to define your relationship, and the fact that you allow relationship to define you and not the other way round is where the problem lies.

    Relationship is to be defined by the once in the relation, I will say so.

  • Ana Chkheidze
    Nomzamo, very interesting and hot topic I would say. I never understood why women who had financial well-being put up with abusive partners, but I agree this is largely because of "what will others say" attitude and fear of being alone. I think this should change. Even though human beings feel the need to have a partner to experience self-fulfillment, we should not let this define who we are. We need to occupy ourselves with important and valuable deeds that contribute to personal and society growth. The right person will eventually come along, no need to be taken just to be taken.
  • Kipkoech Lewis
    A bitter truth that has led our girls and women down from the timeimmemorial.Hopefully at this century we should have a new breed of women who would come out and walk against the norms but in a positive manner and thinking.
  • Moureen Njule Eseme
    It's a disturbing reality. In fact almost every woman has this thought. It has to change. A woman should not be defined by her relationship status. This ideology has really held women back.
  • This kind of mentality from women has to change. Actually such mentality hinders personal growth, directly or indirectly the woman in question will be dependant on a man. Such a woman will always pay particular attention to the societies view of who she is, and also pay more attention to her partners growth instead of her own as well.  

    I  believe this behaviour/mentality hinders empowerment and has to change. 
  • Feka Parchibell Parch
    Very sad but too true. I can not count how many elderly women have told me a woman is a woman only when she has a man in her life. The society too does not help as they will always go to a woman's status if she is in a position of leadership.
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